I love State Troopers…

The Massachusetts State Police has a fleet of behemoth SUVs that they use to patrol rush hour. Since the flow of traffic can get upwards to 90 MPH in the morning, an officer will plant himself in the left lane and set the flow of traffic to a safe and prudent 75 MPH. Since the new snow tires went on the car, I’ve been keeping my cruising speed to under 75 MPH, and it’s been rather amusing for the past week or so to watch the more aggressive drivers battle for lane superiority.

This morning I got passed by one of the State Police SUVs and, a few seconds later, watched as a brand new BMW X5 came flying up on the Trooper’s rear bumper. Sure, the Trooper’s SUV was unmarked, but it was covered with antennas and had a State Police license plate. Did this intimidate the BMW driver? Of course not! In an ignorant cellphone-laden bliss, the BMW driver swerved into the middle lane and passed the Trooper on the right.

Not to be outdone, the Trooper swerved after the BMW and got right on his bumper. The BMW sped up. The Trooper sped up. The BMW sped up. The Trooper sped up. The Trooper put his blues on. Now here’s where it gets interesting.

The BMW went to full brake lockup with the State Trooper no more than one carlength off his rear bumper!

The Trooper went to full brake lockup. Traffic behind him went to full brake lockup. The Trooper swerved into the left lane, passed the BMW, then took the next exit (the blues were obviously just to slow the BMW down).

I followed the Trooper and watched the exact same series of events unfold two or three more times before I took my work exit.

How stupid are drivers?

I mean, first of all, unmarked cars are pretty damn obvious. I can usually spot one a quarter mile out, and that’s plenty of time to drop of out warp speed and get back down to a safe and prudent level.

Second, if I’m a carlength behind an unmarked car or have an unmarked car behind me, the State Police license plates, antenna farm, and strobes kind of stand out.

Third, if blues come on behind you, you take your foot off the gas, signal, change lanes, and gently decelerate.

I don’t know. Sometimes I really wish Darwin worked a little harder…