Category Archives: Numbtastic

Stupid stuff.

Kelly’s Bug hates me!

OK, so it took longer to change the headlight on Kelly’s Bug than it did to swap out a strut on my Impreza. Yes, changing out a headlight bulb is more complex than swapping out the suspension on one corner of my rally car. Feh. Not only did it take forever to get the headlight housing to line back up with the brackets, but the freezing cold made it impossible to rotate the retaining ring back into place to lock the assembly. The salt and grit that had gotten past the rubber gasket made the ring extremely sticky, and it felt like the brittle plastic would snap at any moment!

After nearly half an hour, I finally got the ring back into place and locked the headlight assembly down tight. Cute car. Sucky maintenance. And don’t even get me started on trying to get at the damn oil filter…

Listening to Jane from the album Maybe You Should Drive by Barenaked Ladies

I love State Troopers…

The Massachusetts State Police has a fleet of behemoth SUVs that they use to patrol rush hour. Since the flow of traffic can get upwards to 90 MPH in the morning, an officer will plant himself in the left lane and set the flow of traffic to a safe and prudent 75 MPH. Since the new snow tires went on the car, I’ve been keeping my cruising speed to under 75 MPH, and it’s been rather amusing for the past week or so to watch the more aggressive drivers battle for lane superiority.

This morning I got passed by one of the State Police SUVs and, a few seconds later, watched as a brand new BMW X5 came flying up on the Trooper’s rear bumper. Sure, the Trooper’s SUV was unmarked, but it was covered with antennas and had a State Police license plate. Did this intimidate the BMW driver? Of course not! In an ignorant cellphone-laden bliss, the BMW driver swerved into the middle lane and passed the Trooper on the right.

Not to be outdone, the Trooper swerved after the BMW and got right on his bumper. The BMW sped up. The Trooper sped up. The BMW sped up. The Trooper sped up. The Trooper put his blues on. Now here’s where it gets interesting.

The BMW went to full brake lockup with the State Trooper no more than one carlength off his rear bumper!

The Trooper went to full brake lockup. Traffic behind him went to full brake lockup. The Trooper swerved into the left lane, passed the BMW, then took the next exit (the blues were obviously just to slow the BMW down).

I followed the Trooper and watched the exact same series of events unfold two or three more times before I took my work exit.

How stupid are drivers?

I mean, first of all, unmarked cars are pretty damn obvious. I can usually spot one a quarter mile out, and that’s plenty of time to drop of out warp speed and get back down to a safe and prudent level.

Second, if I’m a carlength behind an unmarked car or have an unmarked car behind me, the State Police license plates, antenna farm, and strobes kind of stand out.

Third, if blues come on behind you, you take your foot off the gas, signal, change lanes, and gently decelerate.

I don’t know. Sometimes I really wish Darwin worked a little harder…

Snow != Free Parking

Why is it that, the minute snow touches the ground, parking lots become complete free-for-alls? I mean, whether you can see the lines or not, you know that they’re there. It only takes a few weeks to memorize the locations of visitor parking, handicapped parking, and the no parking zones in front of the sidewalk ramps. Heck, any five year old with the memory retention of a goldfish wouldn’t have an issue.

But when the lines are covered with a dusting of snow, otherwise intelligent Presidents and CEOs driving shiny new Land Rovers, BMWs, and Mercedes battle for the closest parking space, and handicapped parking instantly becomes fair game. Cars are lined up and down the curb, blocking access to delivery trucks. Even the handicapped ramps for the sidewalks get blocked as zoomtards stake their territory.

I really can’t understand this behavior. I’m not sure if it’s the sign of a spoiled yuppy basking in plausible deniability (I didn’t see the handicapped symbol, so that means I can park there today) or if it’s genuine gnorance (what handicapped symbol?). Feh, whatever.

A shocking realization…

The past week has been horribly dry and static shocks have become more and more common. You know the scene from Office Space where Peter walks up to the front door of the facility, gingerly reaches out to the door handle, then gets a massive shock? Yeah…just like that. But worse. I actually got shocked from touching a plastic cover that was sitting on my desk!

That’s right. A hunk of plastic sitting on a pressboard desk. Oh, yeah, that conducts electricity! Fer chrissake…

Highway flaming death…

It took me half an hour to drive three miles this morning. 495, 125, and 97 are all parking lots. There are traffic jams on residential side streets! The dusting of snow we received has caused chaos and mayhem across the state. Multiple accidents SmarTraveler is reporting that there are multiple accidents on 495. Multiple accidents and traffic at a standstill on 93.

Come on. This is New Frickin’ England. We laugh at two and three foot snow dumps. But no, a measly quarter inch of snow has crippled the entire Northeast.

Feh. I’m going home. VPNs rule.