Category: Numbtastic

Google knows the answer to life, the universe and everything.

A few weeks ago I started seeing commercials for the Playtex Thank Goodness it Fits line of bras. My initial reaction to the ad campaign was that of the typical caveman…boobies. Now, a few weeks later, I’ve noticed that the ads are being almost politically correct. Instead of A and a half it’s almost B. Almost C instead of B and a half.

I guess actually using half in the product name would imply that the customer’s breasts are too small. Now, instead, Playtex is implying that the customer’s breasts are almost good enough. Oh well, no worries, I don’t require a man bra for my breasticles so I’m not directly effected by the ad campaign. Perhaps a female (Kelly? Debbie?) could give me a better opinion on the subject?

Also, in my quest for the eye candy to attach to this post, I discovered that Playtex is owned by Sara Lee. I’d dive into a long-winded rant about a pastry company using incredibly sexy unobtanium to promote their lingerie but, instead, I’ll simply ask the obvious question. Where are the edible undies?

Wow++. Wired linked to me. That makes me happy in pants.

The current industrial world is completely addicted to electricity. So, what happens when there’s a massive blackout? People have to stop watching TV, go outside and entertain themselves for a while…

Reverend Doc Fish is the founder and High Minister of The First Church of the Holy Fish, a shadowy parish open to sinners of “miscreant, malfeasant or otherwise dubious backgrounds, preferably with some source of disposable income”. He introduced the world to “Holy Acts of Recompense”, a monetary sacrament system of paying for sins at affordable rates. An ordained minister, he holds a Doctor of Divinity degree and tends to his herd of Faithful each week from his 12-acre religious compound on the Eastern edge of the Everglades in South Florida.

Monkey. Purple. Get your salvation while the salvation is hot!

So, what happens when you lose the receipt for a pair of unopened $14.97 shorts that you’d like to return to WalMart? They offer you $3.00, take it or leave it. No receipt equals no refund for seasonal items…but the clerk was nice enough to offer me $3.00 for my inconvenience. Sorry, I’ll forego the $3.00 and give away the shorts.

Update (12/18/2004): Since this is one of the most commented on entries on my Blog, I feel the need to make a quick clarification. Yes, I’m an idiot for losing my receipt. Had they simply told me that they couldn’t give me a refund because I lost my receipt I would have been disappointed but I would have understood.

The reason I’m pissed is because instead of just saying “we can’t give you a refund without a receipt” they insulted me by offering me $3.00. It’s the principle of it. I’d rather donate the item to charity than be given $3.00 for a product they’re going to put back on the rack and sell for $14.97.

Imagine, if you will, the following dramatization. The sun shines through the wispy branches that overhang the golden sand and fragments of light bounce wildly off the ripples of the pond. Laughter and squeals of delight can be heard as children splash each other in waist-deep water. Some parents wade in up to their ankles and others sun themselves on beach towels and blankets. A butterfly floats overhead on the warm breeze.

Then, screams. A commotion. A half dozen parents scurry through the water to a woman who is crying. A motionless floating body is scooped out of the water and pulled to shore. Some people scream for help. Some people dial 911. Some people hurriedly look around for the lifeguard.

Two teenage girls in bright red one-piece bathing suits stand helpless off to one side. They are as frightened and confused as everyone else but are quite puzzled as to why parents keep staring at them and yelling to them to help. On their bright red bathing suits is the word LIFEGUARD emblazoned in white serif with a small coast guard logo. Finally, a frenzied Father runs over, grabs the two of them, and drags them over to the scene to help.
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Ohwell, maybe I’ll be fair and balanced some other day…

The sun is out. Finally. Maybe my car will finally have a chance to dry out. Maybe the house will finally have a chance to dry out. Maybe my desk will snap back into it’s original shape.